The 2020 Holidays:
WINTER, COVID and GRIEF – OH MY!
3 Tips for HANDLING THIS CHALLENGING SEASON
Article By | Gary Roe, Chaplain at Hospice Brazos Valley
Thanksgiving and Christmas are bearing down upon us. This is a time of togetherness, family, friends, and good cheer. It’s a season of joy and celebration.
It can also be a little crazy. Black Friday has invaded Thanksgiving. The frantic hunt for the perfect deal can be overwhelming. Holiday shopping has become a competitive sport. It can be downright dangerous out there.
On top of all this, we’re still wearing masks and socially distancing. Some of our activities continue to be restricted. With cold and flu season upon us, many are wondering just how different this holiday season is going to be.
Holidays are stressful for another reason too. They surface our losses like nothing else can. We gather to celebrate, but we’re also keenly aware of who’s missing. We have loved ones who aren’t with us this holiday season. Some live far away. Others have died. Perhaps some are still here but no longer remember. Others are chronically ill. Perhaps for some reading this, you are alone in ways you never have been before.
Holidays can be wonderful, but they can also be hard. Very hard.
As a hospice chaplain, I see a lot of holiday grief. Many are hurting badly this year and wondering how they are going to navigate this time emotionally. Please remember that this holiday season will be different, but it can still be good. You can find ways to use this holiday season for good – great good.
Allow me share three suggestions:
1. Identify and manage your expectations
Unmet expectations are the root of most disappointments in life. The problem is most of our expectations are hidden. They slink under the surface and silently dominate our hearts. And when it comes to holidays, our expectations can be troublesome indeed.
We all have expectations. We have expectations of others, expectations of how things will go, and expectations of ourselves. Hidden expectations set us up for frustration, disappointment, and a whole lot of physical and emotional stress. We can easily be crushed under the weight of them.
What are your expectations? What do you expect of others, yourself, and the holidays? Write them down.
Now evaluate these expectations. Are they realistic? What are you actually in control of? If you had to pare your list down to just one or two, which ones would you choose?
Identifying and managing our expectations can potentially release a lot of holiday pressure.
2. Make a plan.
We’re not in control of much, but that doesn’t mean we can’t make a plan. When it comes to the holidays, having a plan for emotional, physical, and spiritual health is non-negotiable.
Now that you’ve identified your expectations and hopefully pared them down, you get to decide how you will fulfill them.
You get to choose what to do, how, when, and with whom. As you decide, make sure you’re being loving to yourself. If you choose what’s good for you, chances are it’s also good and loving for those around you (though they might not see it that way!). And if what you decide doesn’t fit with someone else’s expectations about what you should be doing, well, that’s more about them than it is about you.
If you’re missing someone, make sure they are part of your plan. Find ways to remember and include them. Continue a holiday tradition that reminds you of them. Set up an empty chair in their memory. Give a charitable gift to honor them. Have a special time of memory sharing with others.
Be proactive. Make a simple plan.
3. Don’t go it alone!
We often feel alone, especially when we’re hurting. Plenty of folks are struggling this holiday season. At Hospice Brazos Valley, we want to help. We have various programs and support groups available. You can take a look at what we offer here: https://www.hospicebrazosvalley.org/griefsupport
We have also put together some special no-cost events designed to meet you where you are in your grief and assist you in navigating this season well. These events, Holidays Without You and Handling Holiday Grief, are both virtual Zoom events. You can check them out or register here: https://www.hospicebrazosvalley.org/holidaygrief
Again, these grief support options are free no cost – our gift to you this holiday season.
Holidays are tough. Don’t let those expectations get you. Identify and manage them. Make a plan. Be proactive about what you choose to do, how, when, and with whom. And don’t go it alone. Get the support and help you need this holiday season.
These holidays will be different, but they can still be good.
Gary Roe is a multiple award-winning Amazon bestselling author, speaker, and chaplain with Hospice Brazos Valley. Visit Gary at www.garyroe.com for more holiday grief resources, or contact him at 979-821-2266 or groe@hospicebrazosvalley.org.