How Do You Know You’re Sheltering The “Right” Way?
Article by: Lizzie West
It’s been many days (about a month for most of us) since we have been sheltering in place. Some of us are #happyathome, while others are thinking, “I’m fine, everything is fine.” I think we can all agree that our minds and actions may or may not (denial) have gone to some pretty different places during this situation. Some of us are actively looking for new ways to hide from our families, while others are discovering new (read: super weird) ways to bake bread. We have come up with a list of things you may or may not have thought or done during this month that only prove you’re committed to being the hero we need right now. Maybe it didn’t happen exactly like this but, we hope they make you laugh as much as we did while writing them.
- If my pet had a voice, what celebrity would it sound like?
- But who would *I* feed to a tiger?
- Can I make bread out of this? *Googles* OH! Thanks, Pinterest!
- Pin 23 recipes you’ll never make. “Support local restaurants” instead. Pat self on back for stimulating the economy.
- I haven’t talked to Jill since high school…*opens chat*
- I need a haircut…*Googles self haircut tutorial*
- Would a tiger eat this bread?
- I bet I could do that TikTok dance better than them? *learns Carole Baskin version of Savage dance*
- I. HAVE. WATCHED. EVERYTHING. (check out our binge-worthy picks for new entertainment options!)
- Do I really need to wear pants for this Zoom meeting?
- Do I stink? When did I last shower? Is the dog avoiding me?
- How many times have I tried to order flour from the store? *counts on fingers*
- Searches the web for toilet paper….again.
- Offer neighbors to trade toilet paper for fresh-baked bread.
- Do we need a bidet? *clicks Buy Now*
- Do I need a squirrel picnic table? *clicks Buy Now*
- I can catch up on all those books I want to read! *taps Instagram app*
- Thank you, Instagram! I didn’t know I need this until right now. *taps “Shop” button*
- Never did I think that I would find marble racing this exciting…GO RED #3!
- Thinking, “I bet I can do that for dinner,” while watching Chopped. *eats cereal again*
- How are we out of milk AGAIN??? *looks down at cereal*
- How many scoops in my trendy whipped coffee before I have a heart attack?
- What day is today?
- Can I touch this amazon package with my bare hands?
- No, Mom, you can’t go shopping at Target just to look at stuff you don’t need.
- I just want to go to Target and look at stuff I don’t need. *sob*
- I wish Gal Gadot asked me to sing “Imagine” with her…
- How can I get on SGN (Some Good News) with Jim Halp….I mean John Krasinski???
- I really need to get dressed today…*orders more yoga pants from Kate Hudson*
- Hold on….*waits silently*…is that the mail truck?
- Add to cart.
- I should do a puzzle. *downloads puzzle app after searching for 30 minutes to buy a real one*
- I should go for a walk around the block. *doesn’t move from personal couch dent*
- Well, I could at least stretch…*sit up, then recline to previous position* ah, that feels better.
- This is a great opportunity to learn a new language! Is understanding Tiger King a new language?
- I bet I could play “Somewhere Over The Rainbow” if I had a Ukulele. *add to cart*
- OH, the Simply Fit Board looks like fun – I can do it while I watch Frozen II for the 8,700th time.
- Zoom Happy-Hour! *order cheap wine delivery from Aldi*
- Have conversations with your pet, imitating their answers in the celebrity voice you decided on last week.
- Ask your pet if you should order large queso with chips delivered from Chuy’s for Zoom Happy-Hour…they say “yeah”, just like Sylvester Stallone.
- Make up your own dialogue to your favorite shows while on mute. (during Zoom Happy-Hour)
- Teachers deserve higher pay – my kid is nuts.
- What can I use in here to DIY myself a mask? *taps YouTube app*
- I’m going to use my stimulus check to pay off debt! *opens Amazon app*
- Thank the internet out loud for existing and being your only true friend in this time.
