12 Questions to Ask Before Marriage
Article By | Rachel Cruze, Ramsey Solutions
Marriage. It’s one of the biggest decisions you’ll make in your life. But many couples miss the opportunity to ask their future spouse important questions before getting married.
When you’re starry-eyed and in love, it’s easy to jump right into wedding planning and daydreaming about the future. But to build a strong foundation for your marriage and enjoy a thriving life together, you’ll need to put in work on the front end.
Questions to Ask Before Marriage About Money
- How will we handle money?
Money is one of the most important things to talk about before marriage. It’s one of the biggest things spouses fight about, and money fights are one of the biggest causes of divorce.
This is the time to be completely open about your money situation. No secrets. The point is to understand each other’s attitudes about money and habits for giving, saving and spending.
- How much debt will we have to pay off?
You and your future spouse also need to talk about exactly how much debt each of you is going to bring into the marriage.
- How will we make a budget?
Notice how this one isn’t will we make a budget. It’s how will we make a budget. You and your future spouse must make a budget every month if you want to be in control of your finances.
Questions to Ask Before Marriage About Your Future Spouse
- How are our personalities different?
Your individual personalities will affect everything from how you handle conflict to what makes you feel truly loved. I’m a total nerd when it comes to learning about different personality types and taking tests like the Enneagram and DISC.
- What are our fears?
You need to talk to your future spouse about what you fear in life, and you need to ask them about their fears. Not only will it help you grow closer as a couple, it may help you find some peace in knowing someone else feels the same way you do.
- What are our goals?
What must be true for you to make your dreams a reality in your marriage? If you have a dream of adopting six golden retrievers and moving to the country someday, what would it look like to save up for that together? Maybe retiring early and traveling around the country is your picture-perfect future. How much do you need to invest each month to hit your goals?
Questions to Ask Before Marriage About Family
- Are we going to have kids?
Dig deep into each other’s expectations about having kids and make sure you’re on the same page:
- How many kids do we want to have?
- How close together do we want to have them?
- How should we discipline our kids?
- Who will care for the kids? Will one parent stay home?
- Do we want to pay for our kids’ college education?
- What are our religious views?
If you share the same faith, it’ll be easier for you to stay together. When your faith is aligned, so are your value systems.
- What boundaries do we want to have with our in-laws?
Simply put, how much do you want them involved in your life? This isn’t the easiest thing to talk about, but here’s why it’s so important: You want to honor your parents, while separating from them and becoming one as a couple. If you don’t agree about what this looks like, you may be headed for trouble.
Questions to Ask Before Marriage About the Wedding
- What type of wedding do we want?
The first tip I have when it comes to wedding planning is to decide what type of wedding you want. Do you want it inside or outside? Casual or formal? Figuring all that out will make the rest of your wedding planning process so much smoother.
- What is our wedding budget?
Weddings cost a lot. We’re talking almost $40,000 on average.1 Your wedding doesn’t have to be nearly that expensive, though. You and your future spouse can decide on a spending limit, and create a wedding budget. Just don’t go into debt by using credit cards, or taking out wedding loans!
- What are our wedding priorities?
As you make your budget, ask yourself what’s most important to you? Do you want a live band, or would a DJ work? Is having a professional photographer on your list, or do you want to rely on a talented friend with a great eye for pictures?
Knowing the questions to ask before marriage gives you the opportunity to focus on the important things before ever walking down the aisle. It can turn common relationship road bumps into areas of strength and success!
Rachel Cruze is a two-time #1 national best-selling author, financial expert and host of The Rachel Cruze Show. She has appeared on Good Morning America, TODAY Show and Live! With Kelly & Ryan, among others. Since 2010, Rachel has served at Ramsey Solutions, where she teaches people to avoid debt, save money, budget and how to win with money at any stage in life. Follow Rachel on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook and YouTube or online at rachelcruze.com.