25 Dad Jokes For a Funnier Father’s Day
By Lizzie West (All jokes discovered through extensive internet research)
I’m sure you’re hanging with your dad today, and he has a few things to say that make you begrudgingly laugh. Afterall, isn’t that what Dads are for? Why not turn the tables and, in the process, give him some fresher material? Check out these 25 jokes – some puns, some one liners – all guaranteed to make an angsty teenager groan and roll their eyes. (That’s how you know they’re good!). Read these to your family over dinner or during your Father’s Day Zoom session for those that can’t get out to see Dad this year!
- Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine? He’s fully recovered.
- Did you know that milk is the fastest liquid on earth? It’s pasteurized before you even see it.
- Why can’t a leopard hide? Because he’s always spotted.
- Why are spiders so smart? They can find everything on the web.
- Why are elevator jokes so good? They work on so many levels.
- When does a joke become a dad joke? When it becomes apparent.
- Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the “p” is silent.
- What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
- Why did the old man fall into the well? Because he couldn’t see that well.
- What sound does a witches car make? Broom Broom
- What does a zombie vegetarian eat? “GRRRAAAIINS!”
- Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, “do you know how to drive this thing?”
- What did the farmer say after he lost his tractor? Where’s my tractor?
- What’s the leading cause of dry skin? Towels.
- What do you call a hippie’s wife? Mississippi.
- What concert costs just 45 cents? 50 Cent featuring Nickelback!
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
- How does Moses make his tea? He brews it.
- My wife asked me to stop singing “Wonderwall” to her. I said maybeeee –
- Sundays are always a little sad, but the day before is a sadder day.
- I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
- I was going to tell a time-traveling joke, but you guys didn’t like it.
- What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint.
- How do you weigh a millennial? In Instagrams.
- Kid: DAD! I’m so cold.
Dad: Go Stand in the corner.
Dad: Because it’s 90 degrees.
I like telling Dad jokes…sometimes he laughs.